Monday, December 12, 2005

what I do when I'm down

I make something. in the last few days it has been soap. I love the process of making soap the danger with the lye, the hot oil, but the miracle is the transformation of the whole thing. From 2 diparate entities to something altogether different.
from the top. oatmeal honey and heavy cream unscented but it smells like oats.
Osmanthus Fragrance w/ blue swirls
Blackberry sage fragraence with purp;le& blue color
Spearmint patchouli Essential oils w green mica swirl
yellow orange grapefruit
pink rose sandalwood
green juniper sage.
I like to soap.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

a better day

I feel alot better today. I still have that lost feeling but just not as sad. It iced last night so I have DD & friend over so I suspect that I will get nothing done at all so feeling lost id not a problem today. I'm going to try to make a batch of soap to make me feel better.

the blue one is scented with Osmanthus Fragrance and the tan one is a plain oatmeal, honey and cream bar.
Also I sold 3 items from my Etsy Store! WooHoo

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

days of Blank

I spent yesterday walking around my house doing nothing. I felt lost. pointless. See this is what happens when I miss my meds. I had a lasp in my scripts and it seems to have messed me up more than I thought. That and the fact that I cant seem to find a job. I applied to be a frickin cashier at a grocery store and I didn't get it, I tried to get a job at SMU that only required a highschool diploma and I didnt get that. I have not heard back from temp agencies and our money situation is now dire. That in and of itsself is depressing. So i have had day sof blank. Feeling empty & lost, pointless & absurd. Worthless. But not dispairing. I think htat is a result of the Abilify. I dont feel desperate. But it is weird to feeldown without that black cloud.
I've been trying to crochet to feel better. Intresting attempt but not totally successful. I keep wanting to make soap but just can't get started. I hate depression.

I still want to make a chicken tractor and get chickens. It is frustrating not to be able to do something I want to do so badly.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Why Viragolog?

virago |vəˈrägō; -ˈrā-| noun ( pl. -gos or -goes) a domineering, violent, or bad-tempered woman. • archaic a woman of masculine strength or spirit; a female warrior.
That's why. Altho I aspire to the latter more oftem I manifest the former. Why? Depression, that's why. It sucks to be an African -American woman struggling with Depression in these here U-nited States. We are supposed to be the strong women, the leadin our people to freedom by the stringht of our bones women, We are supposed to be the feed everyone, hoe the fields, tend the house women. We are supposed to be Strong in our Afrikan Heritage, using Sistah strenght to keep our backs above water. Not weak like those Fey White women, needing to be cared for by their Mammies, fainting at every little vapor that blows their way.
But I'm weak. I dont want to get out of bed. I dont want to cary anything or anybody on my back anymore. I can barely lift my obese carcass out of bed & out the door( ok, that is a touch hyperbolic, but not much). I'm cranky & Bitchy & in pain. Soul pain. Brain pain. Ah when I was Anorexic I was told that Black girls didnt get that. Ha. Now I'm not really depressed 'cause Black women dont get depressed, we are way too strong...........
It's a brain disorder and we get it just like other people. And we suffer just like other people. But we tend not to get treated like other people. Well I'm getting treatment. I want to see my strenght, my virago nature. I don't want to be down so low anymore.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

starting a blog

I just had sinus surgery and this has given me the time to think about writing things up. Blogging.Like I need more things to take up my time. teehee