what I've been up to

It's been a long time since I've posted anything so I thought I'd pop in with an update.
I'm a substitute teacher in the DISD now. SInce the beginning of school in fact. I've been busy almost evry day so far. I thought i'd like the K-3 age best but so far I've enjoyed 4th grade the best. they are much more independant and are studying much more intresting things. I also now know that my Spanish is too rusty to be a bilingual teacher without some serious study. All this is for me to get an idea if I like teaching and to help me decide if I want to get my certification. SO far I have enjoyed the work.
The other news is I have started a new med called Byetta for my Insuline resistance and pre diabetes. I ahve to inject 2 times a day. It is rocking my world. I have normal BG numbers now! My fasting numbers are still in the high normal range but they have dome down to the normal range rather than the pre-diabetic numbers I was showing. My numbers had been creeping up despite the metformin & actos I was on. The Byetta is working judt perfectly. I've had no side effects, which sound awful BTW, and I've dropped 5# in a week! Most of that is water I think , water that the actos caused me to retain. I've noticed that I'm now finally passing ketones. Ever since I started low carbing i have never been able to get into ketosis, the state where your body is burning fat for fuel rather than glucose. Aftermuch scrutiny I have figured out that my liver is constantly dumping glucose even when I cut my dietairy intake to 0 carbs, thus defeating my attempts to burn fat for energy. I may now have a bit of an easier time dropping some of my excess weight normally. The liver dump also explains why my fasting numbers were higher than my bedtime ones. Well at any rate the Byetta is taking care of things nicely. I am very excited about this medication and I think that it will be able to help alot of people unless they find out in a few years that it causes you to grow a second head or something. Now that I've added another drug to my regimine I expect to recieve my AARP card any day as I need a pill organizer to keep track of what I take.
I've changed ny depression meds again too, the Lexapro pooped out so I switched it to Zoloft, which too is working nicely. I wish I could stop the Abilify as it is expensive as shit. So is the BYetta and I don't knoe yet what the insurance will pay on the Byetta as my first pen was a free sample from My NP.
So mainly I'm having to embrace my emerging geezerhood. It ain't pretty.

2 words

Armour Thyroid.
My new best friend. I feel really good although I'm a bit worried it's just a bump like the Abilify. But it has been 2 weeks since I began taking the tiny CHEAP pill and I feel so much better. No hopelessness, no loathing and I have energy for the first time in 3 years! Which is a good thing because I just started a job at a local organic nursery and my butt is whipped every night afer work. I'm hopeing the medication along with the increased activiy will have a positive effect on my weight. My feet are really feeling the pain of gravity.
here is a pix of my latest obsession, Loretta & Fay named by my daughter. I made the cage out of coroplast and shelving grids and it is pretty great if I do say so myself. I need to take Fay to the vet TOMORROW becaue I think she may be a boy.Crap.

what I do when I'm down

I make something. in the last few days it has been soap. I love the process of making soap the danger with the lye, the hot oil, but the miracle is the transformation of the whole thing. From 2 diparate entities to something altogether different.
from the top. oatmeal honey and heavy cream unscented but it smells like oats.
Osmanthus Fragrance w/ blue swirls
Blackberry sage fragraence with purp;le& blue color
Spearmint patchouli Essential oils w green mica swirl
yellow orange grapefruit
pink rose sandalwood
green juniper sage.
I like to soap.

a better day

I feel alot better today. I still have that lost feeling but just not as sad. It iced last night so I have DD & friend over so I suspect that I will get nothing done at all so feeling lost id not a problem today. I'm going to try to make a batch of soap to make me feel better.



the blue one is scented with Osmanthus Fragrance and the tan one is a plain oatmeal, honey and cream bar.
Also I sold 3 items from my Etsy Store! WooHoo

days of Blank

I spent yesterday walking around my house doing nothing. I felt lost. pointless. See this is what happens when I miss my meds. I had a lasp in my scripts and it seems to have messed me up more than I thought. That and the fact that I cant seem to find a job. I applied to be a frickin cashier at a grocery store and I didn't get it, I tried to get a job at SMU that only required a highschool diploma and I didnt get that. I have not heard back from temp agencies and our money situation is now dire. That in and of itsself is depressing. So i have had day sof blank. Feeling empty & lost, pointless & absurd. Worthless. But not dispairing. I think htat is a result of the Abilify. I dont feel desperate. But it is weird to feeldown without that black cloud.
I've been trying to crochet to feel better. Intresting attempt but not totally successful. I keep wanting to make soap but just can't get started. I hate depression.

I still want to make a chicken tractor and get chickens. It is frustrating not to be able to do something I want to do so badly.

Why Viragolog?

virago |vəˈrägō; -ˈrā-| noun ( pl. -gos or -goes) a domineering, violent, or bad-tempered woman. • archaic a woman of masculine strength or spirit; a female warrior.
That's why. Altho I aspire to the latter more oftem I manifest the former. Why? Depression, that's why. It sucks to be an African -American woman struggling with Depression in these here U-nited States. We are supposed to be the strong women, the leadin our people to freedom by the stringht of our bones women, We are supposed to be the feed everyone, hoe the fields, tend the house women. We are supposed to be Strong in our Afrikan Heritage, using Sistah strenght to keep our backs above water. Not weak like those Fey White women, needing to be cared for by their Mammies, fainting at every little vapor that blows their way.
But I'm weak. I dont want to get out of bed. I dont want to cary anything or anybody on my back anymore. I can barely lift my obese carcass out of bed & out the door( ok, that is a touch hyperbolic, but not much). I'm cranky & Bitchy & in pain. Soul pain. Brain pain. Ah when I was Anorexic I was told that Black girls didnt get that. Ha. Now I'm not really depressed 'cause Black women dont get depressed, we are way too strong...........
WHAT A STEAMING LOAD OF SHIT!
It's a brain disorder and we get it just like other people. And we suffer just like other people. But we tend not to get treated like other people. Well I'm getting treatment. I want to see my strenght, my virago nature. I don't want to be down so low anymore.

starting a blog

I just had sinus surgery and this has given me the time to think about writing things up. Blogging.Like I need more things to take up my time. teehee